Pivotal
by Artisticnincompoop
Summary: The angels take Manhattan, but they don't take Amy. After the Doctor snatches Amy away from the angels he reflects on some of his memories of their travels together. And attempts to explain why he refused to let her go. (M)


Pivotal

*Doctor who does not belong to me*

The angels take Manhattan, but they don't take Amy. After the Doctor snatches Amy away from the angels he reflects on some of his memories of their travels together. And attempts to explain why he refused to let her go. (M)

* * *

He had heard many sounds in his life. Trying to catalog all of them in his head seemed pointless, but one thing he was sure of; this was the one sound he could not stand. Amy was crying, no Amy was doing much worse than that; she was ripping his hearts apart. And he knew he deserved it so he kept listening. He stayed by her side gently running his fingers through her bed matted hair as she sobbed into a damp pillow. When he had pulled her away all he could think of was never being able to see her, or hold her again. He wanted to give her life joy and excitement, to be there for her when she needed him. But now he was comforting her because of his own actions. She stopped kicking and screaming at him hours ago and now she lay on her bed refusing to look at him while she mourned.

"Why…D-doctor why?" He knew the question was rhetorical, even if he could give her an answer right now she wouldn't be able to understand. So instead of answering her he continued to sit by her side until she tired herself out and fell into sleep.

_Little Amelia Pond was a curious child. Welcoming a stranger into her home and giving him everything he requested. So willing and excited by him, a strange man and a blue box going by the name of The Doctor. He was still experiencing everything in this new body but he was prepared to help this welcoming, bright, wonderful girl to the best of his abilities. When he returned the girl had turned into a woman. Just as wonderful, but now filled with angst, yet still excited by him and all his promises of adventure. He felt devastated that he had brought this girl so much anger and trouble in her years growing up but in a way he was enchanted to find out what kind of woman she had become. He knew she wouldn't let him down and on their very first adventure together she had confirmed those exact thoughts. And more so. She wasn't just a simple woman with longing towards adventure. She was amazing in no other words, he found possibly one of the most beautiful humans he had ever know; his Amelia Pond. _

Another few hours passed before he could rip himself away from her and back into the control room. River was there with an expressionless face making herself look busy as he entered the room. She had also been crying but her deadly stares were more powerful then yelling at him.

"Where are we?" He asked walking over to the screen she now stood in front of.

"I put us in orbit around the planet, wasn't sure you wanted to go anywhere specific." She harshly pushed a button on the TARDIS controls and the window opened up displaying earth as they floated around its mass. "I'm leaving."

_River, wonderful, mad, River. For good reasoning in the beginning he never trusted her. Even now he had his doubts. Knowing exactly who she was helped put him at ease and with everything that she was born to do past them he felt comfortable alone with her. By the time she had first begun to show her affection to him he was already dazed by Amy, who was now River's confirmed mother. He liked River enough, she was charming in her own ways, but no one beat Amy. The way she came onto him so strongly and with confidence just pushed him away further. A future with River was nice, but he didn't want to imagine that, the only future he wanted to see was him and Amy._

"Ok." He already knew that was coming so he didn't move his eyes away from the window.

"It is your job to take care of her." He nodded his head moving away from her closer to the window. "Do you even have any real friends? What you just did…that isn't friendship." And with that she was gone, the anger in her voice still lingering behind. He walked down the ramp away from the controls to stand by the window. His mind was running a thousand miles a second all to one direction as he stood silently starring out the window at this most familiar sight. His stomach twisted, Rory was gone…forever. Not just from him but from Amy and it was his fault. It was like the beginning again just the two of them, before he even knew they were engaged. Would she stay? She could wake up and demand to be taken home…left alone for the rest of her days away from him. Then it would have all been for nothing.

_Rory Williams never seemed important to the Doctor. When Amy brought him back to her room after the angels he didn't know what to expect. He figured it would be some silly human thing that she had been longing to do, not…not getting married. The thought of being anything more to her hadn't even crossed his mind before that night. It wasn't the kiss she had attempted to give him that sparked those thoughts either. It was the wedding dress, picturing her in a wedding dress unexpectedly filled him with a warm happiness. Then she was kissing him suggesting something much more intimate, right after explaining her morning engagements. Confusion was an understatement. Beautiful Amelia Pond kissing him. Fiery red haired, strong willed, sexy, Amelia Pond was kissing him. He couldn't deny that he enjoyed this new connection, but to her it meant something else. What she wanted, something only for one night would ruin their relationship, and the relationship to her fiancé. If this was what she wanted them to be he wanted more than one night, but they couldn't have that, ever. He saw a way to keep her close, and give her a man that she could have, a man she loved not just fantasized about. After meeting Rory properly he saw her reasons for affection towards him, saw their connection. It could have eased his mind about his and Amy's relationship but it was already too late she had planted the idea and it was growing stronger every day. _

He didn't know how long he stood looking out the window, time wasn't important for once. Eventually Amy woke up, eyes red and surrounded by black bags and she stood next to him silently. He took a glance towards her regretting it instantly. For however long they had been standing there he thought she had been looking out the window with him but in truth she had been watching him.

"Amy…I-" She shook her head and looked away from him before he could go on. He didn't know what he could even say to her but she took his hand in hers and he saw the slightest glimmer of hope. This time he watched her as the stars and lights from earth shined against her watery eyes. Occasionally he would tighten his grip on her hand and she would squeeze his in return. It gave him warmth that he felt was undeserved.

"I'll never forgive you." When she spoke her voice was hoarse from all of yesterdays crying and yelling. "But I understand." She turned to him at last, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I don't think you do." He wiped the moisture away with his thumb having a hard time looking into her eyes. All of the years he spent watching her and Rory be happy together suddenly crashed down on him and soon she was the one holding him. They fell to the floor together both in a soundless cry as they clung onto each other.

"I hate you raggedy man." She huffed out the words into the nape of his neck while gripping tightly onto his shirt tears bursting uncontrollably from her. "This is all your fault!" He clung onto her tighter as if she could still somehow slip from him right now. She held him closer in response feeling his chest sob against her. She wanted to punch him in the face but her need to keep holding him while he cried into her hair over rode the urge.

"I know Amy." He finally released her from their hug but continued to hold tightly onto her hands. "All this time Amy, wanting you by my side…no needing you by my side-Amy I can't go on without you. I'm not ready to let you go. I'm a selfish man who can't let the one person I love most go even if it means hurting them." He cupped her face in his hands as he spoke willing himself to look into her betrayed eyes. "I've traveled with so many wonderful amazing people Amy, and each time I see them go it adds up. I couldn't watch you disappear from me forever, I'm so tired of having everything I love taken from me. You have to understand that I saw a chance to fight back and prevent it from happening so I took it unquestioning. Completely disregarding your own desires." Amy was crying again but he had to tell her the truth, even if she already knew it, he had to say it. "I…Amy I-" He couldn't say it feeling his throat close up. He was no longer tearing but his body felt drained as his chest heaved with sorrow.

_ Amy's wedding night. The same night she brought him back. The only person in the universe who could save him, the one woman he held close to his heart. She didn't fail him, he knew she wouldn't. They were meant to be together in that way. He didn't like believing in fate but the first night of his regeneration he knew he was meant to meet her. Now she was dancing in the arms of Rory Williams. Her husband. He was happy in the most sobering of ways. At this moment his feelings were confirmed and set in stone. He would not go on without Amy. He loved her in the deepest of ways unconditionally. As she smiled and danced with Rory he knew his place with the woman he loved. A guardian of sorts, he would always protect her, always make her smile, even if she was Rory's wife, she was still his in a sense. If being married to Rory was going to keep her happy then he would smile with her and accept Rory for the good man he was. The music stopped and he made his lonely way back to his TARDIS finally able to remove his happy facade. Who knew the next time he would see the cheerful couple, but then there she was again refusing to let him leave without them. _

"You need sleep." He breathed deeply trying to calm himself, he was being completely emotional when he should be strong for Amy. She stood up before he could answer and began walking him to his own room.

"I can't sleep Amy." They were standing in front of his door now. The thought of even trying to lay down and relax seemed impossible. His body begged for sleep but his mind refused. He held tightly onto her hand as he walked them past his room towards the library. They both sat down on the couch leaning back on the arms staring at each other. The room was dark making the wet trails along Amy's cheeks glow in the soft red light. If he thought they were tears of happiness he would've thought it beautiful. She looked away from his piercing stare at a tall shelf of books still not releasing his hand.

"It'll be better if you sleep, get your head on right." Her voice was deeper than usual and her breath caught at the end of her words. She was right but until his body completely took over sleep just wasn't coming.

"You don't have to hold back your pain Amy, I deserve to see your anguish." She looked over to him brows furrowed.

"Shut up." She gave him a small fake smile and scooted closer to him resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her back. "You say I don't understand but I do." She paused thinking he would interject. "Even if you don't believe me, I know now you've been just as broken as I am for a very long time." He felt his heart jump when she began to trace her fingers along his hand that was sitting on his lap. He realized it was one of the possibility's that she would understand him and still want to travel with him, but he did not expect her to regain their closeness so quickly. Even now after what he had just done to her, her trust in him stood unwavering.

_ It took him a while to grow comfortable traveling with Rory. Amy he technically knew for years by now. In time he showed his worth and courage. The thing he admit ably admired most about Rory was his love for Amy. At first it made him feel a need to outdo him, make Amy see he was a wiser stronger man. In the end he saw it didn't matter. Amy loved Rory for everything he was. When they were visited by the Dream lord this was confirmed. After the ordeal he felt ashamed. He couldn't help what the dream lord said or did but the fact was in the truth of it all, he was the dream lord. And he wanted Amy to pick him. Pick the life with him in the TARDIS. Make her dreams come true. In the mess of it all he truly did feel a sense of competition with Rory. That he later understood was a wasted effort. Amy would always pick Rory, and he would always tell her to pick Rory. Or so he thought. _

With Amy laying over his side her breathing slowly got heavy, the sound mixed with her sent slowly eased him while he held her and after some time he drifted off with her. When his eyes opened again it was dark all around him. He could still feel Amy though so he sighed in relief. They had ended up laying side by side on the couch still entangled in each other's arms.

"You've been sleeping a long time." Amy's voice shocked him and he slipped backwards off the couch. "Are you alright?" She peaked over the edge at him as he continued to lay there. He looked up at her completely dazed, eyes still heavy with sleep and she burst out laughing. He couldn't help but laugh along with her and he felt a weight lift off his chest as he sat up and kissed her forehead still smiling. He pulled out his sonic from the jacket pocket and pointed it in the direction of the nearest light. It flicked on and Amy began to laugh again.

"What are you laughing at now?" He asked confused as she just continued to laugh. "Is there something on my face?" He patted around his face puzzled as she reached out to him. Her hand ruffled through his hair and he rolled his eyes as she made it messier. "Amelia, Beautiful Amelia Pond." He cupped her face in his hand as she continued to grin at him with her mischievous eyes. He looked away from her pretending to be offended glancing back to her as she pretended to be indifferent. "I already know you won't win this." He lifted a suspecting eye brow waiting for her to cave as the corners of her lips began to give her away.

"You cheat!" She said smiling at him and sitting up on the couch in front of him.

"Do not!" He combed his fingers though his hairs trying to fix it in any way he could when Amy began to help him by running her fingers along his scalp. The sensation was delightful and he closed his eyes humming an approval as she straightened the mess out.

_Amy's appearance was always…interesting. Her clothing never seemed to be, disappointing. He was never going to forget her police woman's uniform. Ever. But it wasn't just the short skirts that intrigued him. Amy after sometime he realized looked good in everything. Even when she was covered in sick her beauty shinned through. It wasn't just her looks, it was her. Her whole being made her beautiful. She could be wearing a potato sack smiling for the whole world to see, and that smile would bring him to his knees. Amy was beautiful in every form of the word, and she would always be beautiful. _

"Doctor?" He looked back to her from his thoughts feeling his hearts race against his chest. "Areeee you ok?" She looked at his head curiously and back to the floor.

"No not really if you must know." Her face twisted into instant confusion as he gave her his answer. Then as if remembering everything at once sadness refilled her eyes.

"Yeah me too." She looked down into her lap at her folded hands tears threatening to escape again. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't watch as depression over took her slowly, he had to stand up, he had to put himself out there. She was alone now without Rory.

"Amy…I once told you I would never let go. They weren't empty words. From the moment I met you I promised to myself to keep you happy, keep you safe." He sat up on his knees guiding her to look at him.

"What are you trying to tell me Doctor?" She placed her soft hand on his as it rested on her leg. He sighed closing his eyes trying to form the right words.

"I would do anything to keep that promise Amy, anything. And I did up until now. I watched you grow before my eyes, I watched as you started a life with a man that you loved. I stood by making sure you were always at least content. And I broke that promise because I was threatened to lose the privilege to continue to watch over you. I thought I would always be able to sit back and let you do what made you happy. When you wanted to leave, I couldn't let you because I couldn't stand the idea of me living in a world without you. I still can't imagine it, I wouldn't be myself anymore. I've been watching over you, needing, and taking care of you for so long now if I lost that I would lose my mind. I'm willing to do anything to make you happy, as long as it means I can still somehow fit in the picture. If that means being the best man, or the conductor, or even just a protector then so be it. As long as I'm there. Amy surely you must know. You've known longer than I knew myself, but you've been blind to it because of Rory. I was fine with that because it made you happy. Now that I have stolen that from you Amy you deserve to hear it from me and choose to torture me form this point on and leave…Or –or if my feelings for you are shared in any way you can stay as long as you want, I'll cater to you until the end of time. I love you Amelia." She was crying again but if he had stopped he would have never gotten all he needed to say to her. "You're everything to me, my center Amy." He tried to smile at her hoping she would stop crying.

"You stupid raggedy man." Her hair fell around her face displaying a small smile as she leaned down to him. He watched as her eyes scanned between his pair getting closer to him. Realizing what she was doing he leaned in closing his eyes as she pressed her soft lips to his. He felt her body relax against his as he pulled her closer to the edge where he sat in front of her. His hands rested at the bottom of her back as she began to deepen their kiss lightly tracing his lips with her tongue. He didn't want to think about the outcomes of their actions as he groaned into her lips pulling her hips to his as she wrapped her arms around his neck. His knees began to ache on the floor so swiftly he moved over her on the couch running his hands up her back and into her smooth red hair. He hovered over her body now completely spread along the plush couch as he continued to fervently kiss her.

She propped herself on her elbows leaning into his kiss as her hands slowly made their way to hem of his pants. He stopped her hand before she could reach her desired destination and pinned them above her head. "Amy is this what you really want? Me?" He unwillingly detached his lips from hers to look for her answer in her eyes.

"Yes. I don't want to think about tomorrow. I never wanted to, but even if tomorrow is bad as long as you're there I'll be happy. I love you." He dove back to her lips accepting her response as he began to rip off her clothing. First was her shirt and bra, the offending material soon flew across the floor enabling him to enjoy the sights of her beautiful form. Before he became lost in her he released her hands from under his grip and she soon disposed of his jacket and shirt running her chilly fingers along the lines in his chest as he worked on her pants. He saw chills form along her smooth creamy skin and he pressed his body against hers as his mouth moved from her lips along her jaw line leaving kisses in his wake. Her hands shakily unbuttoned his pants and he soon slipped them off. He sat up removing hers in return. For a moment he sat staring at her his hearts pounding in a steady rhythm as his hands traced along her skin. She pulled him back down to her mouth smiling while she began to kiss him once more.

"Amy amy amy." He breathed out her name deeply as he teasingly pressed himself against her entrance. Her legs wrapped around his waist as she delightfully moved her hips against his. She blushed as he centered himself to her entrance. He slowly pushed into her and she moaned at the new sensation of feeling him fill her. He stilled for an instant enjoying her warmth and then slowly he pulled back and thrust into her more fiercely. Their pace grew steady as he leaned down wrapping her in his arms and feeling her chest press against his. Her breath hitched each time he pushed further. A tight knot began to squeeze in her stomach as he continued to move against her hips, sweat lightly coating their skin and mixing with the others. He could feel himself climbing closer and closer to release as he felt her push up to met his thrust into her. She panted his name into his ear as he kissed along her neck and he picked up his speed. A daze began to form in her eyes as the knot grew tighter inside her. Soon there was nothing around their intertwined form only enabling her to hear their heavy breaths as a wave of pleasure washed over her. Her chest arched to his as she moaned his name clinging onto her release. Her Hands dug into his back and he placed his hands on her waist as he drilled into her harder needing his release. His breath caught as he came inside of her slowly halting his hips as he continued to pour out. He rested his forehead against hers as they both regained their breath. He closed his eyes and relaxed as her fingers gently rain through his hair.

He smiled against her shoulder as he kissed along her sweat laden skin. Gently he pulled out of her and laid down next to her on the couch wrapping her tightly in his arms and repeatedly kissing her. Soon she fell asleep her hand resting lightly on his chest as he ran his hand along her arm and up through her hair. They would figure things out, he was never letting her go.

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**Thanks for reading guys :) Please leave your thoughts and let me know if you'd like to see more Amy/Eleven from me? **


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